(Excuse My French but) FML

Original plans for today:  Go to court to contest a traffic ticket where the officer gave me a ticket for running a yellow light that changed as I was halfway under it.

Actual events for today:  Alarm goes off.  "What time is it?"  "6:30."  "Okay . . . crap!  I was supposed to meet C at 7:00!"

Skip shower. Pull hair into a bun.  Dress and run out of the house with Mr. Gaelic to drop him off at the subway.  Tap the ears to make sure the earrings are there which reminds Mr. G to check for his phone, billfold, belt.  "Forgot the belt!  Let me out here and I'll take the bus."

Arrive at meeting place.  No C.  "Didn't she call last week to cancel?  I can't remember.  I think she did."  Get back in car and drive home.

Log onto office computer from home and check email.  Deirdre calls and needs me to bring her literature binder to school by 11:00.  Find binder in her room and place it next to my purse.  Okay, traffic court is at 9:30.  "I should take it before court."

Look out window at Baby, next-door-neighbor's dog, and dog from around the corner playing in yard.  Baby is a 140-pound, eight-year-old Great Pyrenees.  Go to front door to say hello to neighbor from around the corner.  "Baby is limping?  Did you know she's limping?"  "I just saw her and she was fine."  Sure enough, Baby is barely able to walk.

Call the vet to get an appointment as soon as possible.  "We have 10:30 and 11:15."  "Uh, I have a 9:30 meeting and I'm not sure when I'll be out.  Do you have anything later?"  "1:00."  "I'll take it."

The clock says 8:50.  Not enough time to get to the high school and back to the courthouse by 9:30.  But she needs the binder by 11:00.  And, oh dear!  Deirdre is driving the truck today.  Baby can't ride in the car.  There's not enough room for her.  And the gas gauge says 11 miles to empty.

Drive to the courthouse and find two-hour on-street parking.  Walk into anteroom and realize I'm the only Anglo there.  How many other cases will be called before mine?  How many will need interpreters?  No time for this! 

Find the cashier's window and pay the fine.  There goes my clean driving record!  And it was yellow when I when through it! 

On way to car, see friend from church whom I haven't seen in months.  Talk briefly.  Once in car again realize Deirdre's binder is still on the kitchen counter.  Lack of breakfast is catching up with me.  Need coffee!

Call Mr. G for moral support.  He offers to help me get Baby to the vet.  Stop by house to shower, fix hair, change clothes, and retrieve binder.  Drive to high school to leave binder.  Gas gauge down to 3 miles to empty.  Pull into gas station and, while filling up, watch verbal fight between female driver trying to pull to pump and male cabbie blocking the lane.  Station manager intervenes.  "Please don't let me get caught as an eye-witness to an assault."  No time for that.

Swing by Mickey D's for drive-thru latte.  The Starbucks across the parking lot requires getting out of car and standing in long line.  No time for that.  Mr. G calls to say he'll be at home subway station in 15 minutes.  Stop by house to check office emails.  Back in car to pick up Mr. G.  On way to high school with Mr. G's truck keys, boss calls for explanation of what meetings were moved and canceled on today's calendar.  He doesn't follow my explanation and hangs up.  Mr. G repeats back to me what he heard and it's exactly right.

Deposit Mr. G next to truck.  He offers to stop at Mickey D's for lunch.  "May I have a sweet tea as well?"  Back at house, type email to boss with minute detail of which meetings were moved and canceled.  Mr. G arrives, takes his burger upstairs to eat as he changes clothes.  Wolf down my burger standing over kitchen sink.

Together, lift Baby into back of truck.  Mr. G helps me get her inside the vet's office then steps out for conference call on his cell.  Vet tells me that she tore the left ACL.  She tore the right ACL two years ago.  As he tells me this, both of us sitting in the floor with Baby, he looks like he's about to cry.  Reading his mind, ponder whether the high cost of the surgery offsets Baby's age for such a gentle giant of a dog.  Immediately ask about surgery rather than any other option.

Mr. G helps me get Baby into truck again.  At home, Baby refuses our help and attempts to jump out of back of truck.  In jumping, she knocks the tailgate open against the side of my head.  Fall into car parked behind us, then to curb.  Mr. G doesn't know who to help first, Baby or me.  Give Baby pain medicine.  She whimpers as she sleeps.  Want to cuddle her but she needs rest.

Decide to work from home rest of day as does Mr. G.  At some point temperature drops.  Mr. G builds fire.  Heat up leftover spaghetti.  Wonder if had lunch.  Don't remember.  Then see cup from Mickey D's.

Want to send text to Finola saying, "FML."  Will recount story and she'll understand.


  1. Oh, Mrs. G.; what a day! I had to take a break in the middle of reading it because it exhausted me!

  2. FML is an accurate description of that day.

  3. Some days you are the pigeon....and some days you are the statue!