Stolen Goods

This was lifted off some woman waiting to be read in the Facebook feed.  Enjoy!

15 Things White Girls Do on Facebook

1. Take pictures of their feet.

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

7. Take pictures of undeserving food. "I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm."

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activities for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!


  1. To me, the worst posts on Facebook are the requests for Farmville and other crap like it. Thank goodness they did away with that "Invite you for a drink".
    Also, the folks that post numerous postings everyday. I have one "friend" that posted 52 times in 12 hours. Her posts were everything from Occupy Wall ST, religious thoughts, amber alerts, cute cat pictures, homeless dog pictures, and many about how downtrodden Native Americans (Indians)are still getting screwed over by everybody.

  2. I have quite a few friends that this column is about!!LOL They really do all these things. Fortunately you can do away with the entries from Farmville, etc, and even some people.. I don't understand people that post 52 times in 12 hours, or even 10 times.. and tell that they're washing dishes.. who cares? Oh, well.. it's what you want it to be.