First there were bikini waxes. Then Brazilian bikini waxes. Then vajazzling. Now vattoos.
Vajazzling? you ask.
You haven’t heard? Let me take you through the history of women’s, um, privates. First, we didn’t want to show any fluff around the edges of our bikinis. So we’d shave or wax just enough, leaving most untouched.
Then someone heard what those wild women in Sao Paulo and Rio do with their tufts. The excruciatingly painful experience called the Brazilian wax came into fashion. This is where everything is removed making grown women look like prepubescent girls below the belt. It’s always made me wonder if men have a pedophile fetish in wanting their women to be smooth as the day they were born. But that’s another blog.
Never satisfied with being average, women on the two coasts discovered vajazzling. This is where crystals, glitter, or other jewels are applied to a woman’s nether region for aesthetic purposes. A Brazilian wax is a prerequisite of vajazzling. The craze took off after Jennifer Love Hewitt announced to the world back in January that she was currently vajazzled.
Yet again, vajazzling wasn’t enough. Next up, vattoos. Yep, a temporary tattoo is airbrushed onto your newly Brazilian-waxed va-jay-jay, turning your private parts into your own private Sistine Chapel. Okay, I’m going to get hate mail for comparing the Vatican ceiling to a woman’s vagina.
It’s like wearing sexy underwear even when you know no one will see it. The question still remains of whether we do it for ourselves alone.
[Here are videos of vajazzling and vattooing. No videos of a Brazilian wax. It's too painful to watch.]
3 days ago