Beneath the Kilt

What does a Scotsman wear under his kiltIt depends on the man. 

Several years ago during a parade in town, several clans had been imbibing a bit too much scotch trying to warm their innards on a cold winter day.  As one clan approached the reviewing stand, an elderly "gentleman" stumbled and proceeded to roll and roll and roll across the pavement right towards the crowd of dignitaries.  In true Scots fashion, he wasn't wearing anything except his kilt.

This past Saturday night, one of our associate priests who is the dean of a local seminary held a Murder Mystery party at his house for the Beefeaters.  The Beefeaters have nothing to do with gin or guarding the Tower.  It began as a group of men at church who would clean up the church cemetery on a semi-annual basis.  They also enjoy relaxing afterwards with a grill full of red-meat products and some good single malt.  It has grown to include Lady Beefeaters who are either honorary members or actually help with the cemetery cleanup.

One of the Beefeaters is USDA-certified AAA prime beefcake eye candy.  At a pool party in the dwindling days of summer, he was the one who wasn't embarrassed in his swimsuit.  Rippling six-pack, shaved head, earring.  And the life of party, even finding a way to attach a keg to floaties so the guys in the pool didn't have to go far for a refill.

The murder mystery party was a fancy dress affair.  Although some people dressed for the role they were assigned (my role was the actress, Mr. Gaelic's was the doctor), most people wore long dresses or tuxes.  Except BeefeaterCake.  He wore a kilt tuxedo - looks like a tux from the waist up and a kilt from the waist down.

During the opening explanation and the closing accusations, we were seated in a large circle since there were 16 of us.  (Eight characters per game so we were split into two different rooms for dinner but all played the same game.  Yes, there was another actress and another doctor.  And the Gaelics and another couple were lucky enough not to be seated with our spouses - you can interact with more people that way.)  BeefeaterCake was seated directly opposite in the circle.  And he doesn't seem to know how to keep his legs together, sitting with his knees spread.

But like a thoughtful Scotsman, he wore tartan compression bike shorts underneath.  Not traditional, but thoughtful.


  1. Still smiling! Thanks for this delight.

  2. When I was a civil service department supervisor with the US Navy I frequently ate lunch at the base galley with my military staff. One day a visiting Royal Marine walked past our table and one of the junior sailors in my group stuffed his foot in his mouth saying "Nice dress, faggot." The man stopped, fixed him with an icy stare and said "First of all of all, it's not a dress it's a kilt. Second, I don't know about the US NAvy but in the Royal Marines it's pronounced colonel, not faggot!" One young sailor learned a valuable lesson that day.

  3. LOLLLLLL, I was really into this and the visual, if I might say, was STUNNING. Wooohooo! .....and then he had to go and mess it all up with those biker shorts. Blast it! I was living so vicariously through you!

  4. @Rambling, :)

    @Rocket Man, LOVE that story.

    @Jenny, He even looks good in overalls with a chainsaw cutting up fallen limbs at the graveyard.

  5. In my first year of university (me in the big city) I met up with a best friend who insisted we go out to the symphony. We were front row and the handsome conductor came out in a kilt. About half way through the show best friend looked at me and asked why I had slouched half way down my chair and my head was cocked to the left. I giggled, a little embarrassed and said “I understand why guys like it when girls wear skirts.”