- EZPass. Nuff said. Drive without it and lose several hours waiting for the Cash Only lanes at the toll plazas.
- If crossing the George Washington Bridge into New York City, get in the lane with the most tractor trailers. Even with the EZPass, hour-long lines stretch into New Jersey. Tractor trailers take up more space than cars. Two lines being even, the one with the 18-wheelers will move faster because there are fewer vehicles in the same amount of space.
- If there are three lanes of traffic on the interstate or toll road, the left lane will be the fastest, the right lane will be the second faster, and the middle lane will be the slowest. Those German laws of ticketing for passing on the right wouldn't even convince people in the middle lane to move to the right. But that's another blog entirely.
- Buy gas in New Jersey. It's cheapest by far and you don't have to pump it yourself.
- Take your own seat protectors. Even though some restrooms have the holders for seat protectors, they're not always filled. Women are nasty in restrooms. We squat rather than sit because we were told that we could get all kind of diseases from sitting on public restroom seats.
- If you buy it, they will eat it. Even if you're not hungry, if there is snack food in the car, you will eat it. So if you're trying to eat healthy, either buy healthy car snacks or don't buy it.
- Avoid New York City at all costs. If you're driving from points south of New York City to points northeast of New York City, take the New Jersey Turnpike to the Garden State Parkway to the Tappan Zee Bridge to Connecticut. We all (heart) New York, just not while crossing the Hudson River.
- Always question authority, especially Bitching Betty. She may try to take you on the fastest route, but in actuality it may not be. Sometimes that bitch just doesn't know what she's talking about.
- The economy must have been really hard on some folks. In past years, crossing the Delaware, George Washington, and Tappan Zee bridges have been quite boring. Now there are signs along the bridges reminding people that life is worth living and offering 1-800 numbers to call if in crisis. And CCTV cameras to boot. Just in case.
- When the toll road splits with trucks and buses on the right lanes and only cars on the left lanes, if you're driving a car, stay to the right with the trucks. It actually moves faster than the lanes with just cars.
- If you're offended by teens who wear sleepwear in public, men who wear socks with sandals, or women of a certain age who really shouldn't wear shorts past that certain age, then avoid each and every rest area, fast food joint, coffee shop, or gas station along the way. Your eyes will thank you.
the serpent and the cross
1 day ago