My Chemical Addiction

Element: Redhead
Symbol: RH
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam, but we now know that only God could discover something so perfect!
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties

1. Surface usually covered with minimal painted film. As a rule, not necessary.
2. Boils at everything, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5. Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties

1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4. Reactive in liquids, even more increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
5. Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to Man.


1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can greatly improve hormonal levels.
3. Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.
4. Incapable of cooling things down, when it's too hot.


1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.


1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.


  1. Now that was FABULOUS. You know what I'd do with that if I were you?....or a gal exactly like you....I'd mat it and frame it and hang it. Yes, it's that good and maybe even good enough to sell in a nifty little store (copywrite first). Just loved it :D

  2. I've never had any of those - I wonder whether I am lucky or otherwise... I understand they assume a silver color over time - either that or a VERY determined look...

  3. @Laoch and Jenny, I'm not that clever. Someone passed this along by email to me.

    @David, Until the day she died at age 99, my grandmother had red hair. A bit softened, though, so that it looked strawberry blonde.