I just realized that when something is bugging me I don't/can't wait until the next day to blog about it (if I've already posted one today).
Take today for instance. For the past three nights Mr. Gaelic and I have been called saints by several parents. The latest ordeal began last Saturday night when Dierdre and her two friends Alice and Lori were planning on spending the night at Lori's house. They were all downtown with their boyfriends before they were to head back to Lori's when they ran into another friend, Jordan.
Jordan is a very petite blonde who was adopted from Russia by a single mother. There has always been some sort of drama surrounding Jordan and her mom. The biggest was last summer when Jordan ran away and moved in with a boyfriend several years her senior. Two other mothers became involved before Jordan was returned to her own mother.
Last Saturday, Jordan told the three girls that her mother had said it was alright for her to sleep over at Lori's too. Lori's mom asked Jordan if it was okay when all the girls showed up.
On Sunday while Mr. Gaelic and I were sitting in church, my cellphone rang. We had left Maeve at home because she was tired from babysitting the night before. I didn't answer my phone but shoved it deeper into my purse to muffle it. Turns out that the police were at my house and wanted Maeve to call us.
Jordan's mom had called in a missing person's report on her. The police had gone to all the places that she had been known to go. Apparently they hit our house before hitting Lori's house. That's where they found her.
Deirdre and Alice, who returned from the sleepover just after I arrived home, were telling me the whole story (which, believe it or not, I've shortened here) when the police pulled up in front of my house again. This time Jordan got out of the cruiser and walked to our door and the police drove away. No how-do-you-do, no nothin' from the police.
Jordan and her mom needed a cooling off period. It was agreed that Jordan would stay with Alice for two nights and with us for three nights. Mr. Gaelic talked to her about what her plan was. She had none.
Mr. Gaelic is the only male in her life. Her mother is a never-married woman; Lori's father died 11 months ago; Alice found out about her father's affair before her mom did and he moved in with his much-younger girlfriend. But Jordan needs more help than any of our skill sets allows.
In talking to her mom today for almost an hour, she and I decided that we would drive Jordan to her mom's house this evening. I don't know whether Jordan will stay or leave again. As much as I would like to help, she just can't stay here another night. And I'm not about to turn her out on the street.
This is what I was actually writing about the other day with the tractor-beam parents and the lighthouse parents. I really have come to appreciate lighthouses. They can be the saviors of many. But still some ships are lost at sea. I'm ready to hand back my sainthood.
Sunday
3 weeks ago
Good lord. What a handful. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, but I do know what I'd do in her mother's shoes. This young girl has way too many issues and all of them begin prior to her adoption. Add to that moving to another country and with strangers galore AND no father yet again. Mr Gaelic cannot fix this no matter what he does. It goes back too far. This girl needs to be in intensive therapy and maybe even possibly at another location. So very, very sad. She must feel eaten up inside. She has a long, long road to travel before she'll ever see the light. You can feel for her but don't let guilt set foot in your thoughts. This is up to the mother and to the girl, period. If you get too involved, it's going to play hell in your own lives, and I have to ask (as cold as it sounds but isn't meant to be) is the one life worth all of the lives in your own family? Just a thought. I wish you well, Gaelic, seriously. Whew. xoxoxo
ReplyDelete@Jenny, Deirdre and Maeve have told us privately she needs to go. Alice's mother is a priest and gave Jordan's mother some therapists' names. We helped with a cooling-off period. That's all we can give. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteIsn't it nice we're all so bright? Oh yeah, it is.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing by not letting her live there.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad.. so many people adopt from other countries, and they have no idea what they're getting themselves into, and they drag others in when they can't handle it. That poor child just doesn't know how to live, but you can't change her now..You can't sacrifice your family, especially when things are changing in your house, already. Too much for your family to handle with her there. And I wouldn't let her be alone with Mr Gaelic for more than a minute.. She sounds like she only knows to relate to men in a sexual way.. He could be misunderstood, or just the object of anger. So sad..
ReplyDeleteI see all kinds at the college. I learned a long time ago, "you can't save 'em all." Sometimes I lament my lack of child but then I hear stories like this and I realize there's probably a real good reason God knows for not putting me in charge of another human. Maybe it's because I'd beat them, mess them up emotionally, or maybe it's because I'm supposed to help the ones he gave to other bad mothers. I always wonder how some of these kids get to the place in which I find them. BUT - all that said - you did the right thing to take her home. You have your own girls to think about and care for, and there should be zero guilt on your part for the decision you made.
ReplyDeleteI see no reason why you should be inconvenienced by the selfish decisions of single persons who adopt a pet - er, accessory - oh, I mean child and then can't handle her. I assume this adoption was when the kid was very young; if so her country of origin has nothing to do with the problems, none of which should be visited upon you and the Mr.
ReplyDeleteThe usual blackmail performed by such as Jordan and her mom is exactly some form of leaving the victim (you!) to say, "I just can't turn her out onto the street". Seems to me that's where the girl wants to be, and no one seems better fitted for it than this young lady. ("lady" being a term I use loosely here). So many kids in real trouble need help and it is sad to see people's generous impulses turned to account by those with a need for drama and attention, such as people like both Jordan and her mother.